52 thoughts you have when your baby cries at 3am

Yawning cat

Image c/o Matt Hintsa, Flickr


  1. Maybe I imagined it
  2. Nope. It’s definitely her
  3. Wait, she might settle herself back to sleep
  4. Damn
  5. Maybe daddy will get up?!
  6. Hahahahahahahaha… hahahahahahahaha!
  7. Hmmm…she’s really going for it now
  8. Hang on, she stopped
  9. Nope, it was just to draw breath. Definitely have to get up now
  10. Where’s that other Ugg boot? I swear I left them both next to the bed
  11. I have to go to the toilet. Immediately.
  12. She’s heard me. Damn.
  13. Now she’s just lying there. Listening and waiting. So creepy
  14. I have a very small window of opportunity to get in and out before she starts up again.
  15. What in god’s name did I just step in?
  16. Ew. A piece of banana
  17. Do I turn on the light so I can find her dummy or just feel around in the cot?
  18. Oops that’s her leg
  19. OK dummy is back in. Blankets are tucked in. That wasn’t so bad
  20. How come my tiptoeing still sounds like a sumo wrestler is plodding down the hall?
  21. Woah, watch that creaky floorboar near the spare room
  22. Gonna sneeze. If she hears it she’ll wake up. But if I attempt to run back to the bedroom she’ll hear that too. Decision time….
  23. Sneeze into the arm of your dressing gown! Genius move!
  24. Right, Uggs off and back into bed we go
  25. Why are you on my pillow?
  26. Get off my pillow?
  27. Hey…I love you and I know you have to work in the morning but you’re sleeping on my pillow
  28. Why are men such heavy sleepers?
  29. Oh sorry, did I accidentally kick you hard in the leg? Apologies. Now hop off my pillow please
  30. Aaaah, bliss
  31. It is so so good to be back in bed. I am so tired
  32. Sigh
  33. Dum-dee-dum
  34. Wonder what I’ll cook for tea tonight?
  35. I should take some chicken out of the freezer
  36. Go to sleep
  37. Go. To. Sleep
  38. What was that thing I was going to Google?
  39. That’s right, “Prince Harry holding babies”
  40. Not as important as I thought. It can wait til morning
  41. Ok one quick look
  42. Eeeeek!
  43. That’s really enough now
  44. Just set a quick reminder to take the chicken out of the freezer in morning
  45. Maybe I should run down and do it now?
  46. No. Stop. This is absurd
  47. Go. To. Sleep
  48. Aaaah, man I am so tired
  49. Oh God… surely not…
  50. Nooooooo!
  51. Sigh. Where did I leave that other Ugg?


(Feature image: Tambako the Jaguar, Flickr)

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