My “Oh my god we’re late, hang on I’ll just fix my face” beauty regime

I’ve had to accept the fact that between me and the baby, only one of us is going to leave the house looking presentable. Spoiler alert: it’s generally not me.

Between the time I dress her and the time we get in the car, she’ll have either a) lost a shoe b) spilt something on her pants or c) done a poo. And let me tell you, in my book only one of those requires turning back (and it’s not always the one you think). So the majority of my morning is spent trying to get her out the door in one piece. Me? Forget it. I’m lucky if I’ve remembered to clip my bra back up after a morning feed. Often I won’t notice it’s undone until we get back home for her arvo nap and I tear it off the minute I walk in the door (am I the only one with an aversion to wearing a bra around the house?).

So, if you’re like me and find the idea of a morning beauty regime funnier than that Game of Thrones parody on Sesame Street, then read on. Oh, and this isn’t one of those “5 minute beauty routine” blogs where it turns out you need $750 worth of products and the ability to simultaneously apply concealer while curling your eyelashes. This one goes out to all the basic bitches who find a trip to Chemist Warehouse can be a highlight of their week. Cheap, cheerful and can be slapped on with one hand while brushing your teeth with the other.

Sukin facial moisturiser


This stuff smells like a fancy pants day spa (remember those?), which is great for masking the fact I haven’t washed my hair in a week. I realise the next product is also a moisturiser, but I never claimed to be an expert here. If I was drinking five glasses of water a day like I’m supposed to, I probably wouldn’t need all this dang moisturiser. But hey, I wasn’t thirsty ok?



Dove tinted moisturiser

original_CW (1)I’ve been using this stuff since I was in high school. Which is a long, long, long, long time ago. I’ve tried a bunch of different tinted moisturisers and always come back to this one. Mostly because it’s cheap, they sell it at the supermarket and it has SPF15. For some reason, I always pop it on over the top of my daily moisturiser. I think it’s because I don’t like putting a tinted cream straight onto clean skin, I like to have a little moisture barrier there first. You might be different. I don’t know your life.


Benefit Gimme Brow


I found this little wonder brush in a bag of cosmetics I’d shoved at the back of the bathroom cupboard out of baby’s reach. Now, I’m obsessed. A quick whizz over the brows in the morning makes me feel like I’ve put on a full face of makeup. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It just does. And by the by, if you want a fast and cheap pick-me-up there is nothing better than an eyebrow wax and tint. You could even take bub, as it’s usually over and done with in 15 minutes.


Nipple cream lip balm


Between the breastfeeding, and the forgetting to drink water, and the central heating pumping all night and day, my lips were a mess. Those poor things were cracked worse than my iPhone screen two minutes after buying it outright. I’d tried every Chapstick, Paw Paw Ointment and Blistex tube on the market. Nothing worked. One day the name Lanolin came up. This got me thinking. Lanolin. Lansinoh. There HAD to be a connection. A Google search here, a quick scan of the ingredients list there and BAM. I discovered the world’s best cure for dry, cracked lips. And it just happened to be the exact same cure for dry, cracked nips. Go figure. I never leave home without it.

Vivant Revitafoam 


My hair has a flair for the dramatic, swinging wildly between frizzy, straight, wavy, limp, thick and curly throughout the course of the day. I hate using a lot of heavy products, don’t own a hairdryer and haven’t brushed it since I was in high school. So Revitafoam is like a big hit of moisture that doesn’t weigh down the curls, helps tame the frizz and can be used on wet or dry hair. I’ve been using it for nearly ten years.  The fact that in the UK it is labelled as Plush Puppy and sold as a dog grooming product should not deter you. My friend actually purchased a heap while she lived in London and simply covered up the label with masking tape. Such is the power of the Revitafoam.


So there you have it. The five items I keep handy for those days when I need to run out of the house in a hurry, ie. every day of my life post-baby. What are your tricks for looking presentable in a hurry?


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