Beauty / Food / Moments / Sleep

A night away from baby: The highs and lows

It’s the night you’ve been planning for months. No baby. No husband. No curfew. And no idea how you’re going to entertain a baby with a hangover tomorrow. But who cares! It’s time to dust off the old makeup bag, dig out your “good bra” and pass out fall asleep in a bed by yourself. Now, if only you could remember how to hold a conversation without pausing to wipe someone’s nose mid-sentence…

Shopping for a new outfit:

carrie

High: Not having to worry about whether your dress will show Weetbix stains.

Low: Having to look at yourself in a full-length mirror under fluorescent lights.

 

Getting ready:

amy

High: Putting on makeup in your undies without your husband, the toddler and the cat watching.

Low:  Realising you’ve forgotten how to apply eyeliner. And you don’t know what contouring is.

The night begins…

pink High: Entering a venue that doesn’t have a Kid’s Room.

Low: Reaching into your handbag and grabbing a rotten banana instead of your purse.

Socialising

tina

High: Being in a room where NOBODY IS CRYING.

Low: Being the weirdo who starts crying while describing the moment your kid first said “mummy”.

 

Dinner time

elf

High: The thought of ordering a meal and not having to share it with anyone.

Low: When someone yells out, “Let’s just get a bunch of dishes and share them!”

Drinking

drunk

High: That third, guilt-free champagne.

Low: That ill-advised shot of tequila.

 

Dancing

bey

High: Listening to music that doesn’t feature singing animals or a message about car safety.

Low: Not knowing what to do with your hands.

Drunken antics

giphyHigh: Sneaking outside for a cheekycigarette.

Low: The wave of nausea and coughing fit that occurs eight seconds after your first drag.

 

The morning after

parks

 

High: Sleeping in.
Low: Throwing up in the shower.

 

 

Homecoming

elaine

High: Your baby running into your arms and covering you with sloppy kisses, like you’ve been away for a year.

Low: Having to prepare baby food without throwing up.

 

Telling the world

kirsten
High: Uploading an image to Instagram that isn’t of your kid

Low: Only getting three likes, because the photo is actually a blurry shot of you attempting a selfie with the bouncer (it was funny at the time you guys).

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