It’s the night you’ve been planning for months. No baby. No husband. No curfew. And no idea how you’re going to entertain a baby with a hangover tomorrow. But who cares! It’s time to dust off the old makeup bag, dig out your “good bra” and
pass out fall asleep in a bed by yourself. Now, if only you could remember how to hold a conversation without pausing to wipe someone’s nose mid-sentence…
Shopping for a new outfit:
High: Not having to worry about whether your dress will show Weetbix stains.
Low: Having to look at yourself in a full-length mirror under fluorescent lights.
High: Putting on makeup in your undies without your husband, the toddler and the cat watching.
Low: Realising you’ve forgotten how to apply eyeliner. And you don’t know what contouring is.
The night begins…
Low: Reaching into your handbag and grabbing a rotten banana instead of your purse.
High: Being in a room where NOBODY IS CRYING.
Low: Being the weirdo who starts crying while describing the moment your kid first said “mummy”.
High: The thought of ordering a meal and not having to share it with anyone.
Low: When someone yells out, “Let’s just get a bunch of dishes and share them!”
High: That third, guilt-free champagne.
Low: That ill-advised shot of tequila.
High: Listening to music that doesn’t feature singing animals or a message about car safety.
Low: Not knowing what to do with your hands.
Low: The wave of nausea and coughing fit that occurs eight seconds after your first drag.
The morning after
High: Sleeping in.
Low: Throwing up in the shower.
High: Your baby running into your arms and covering you with sloppy kisses, like you’ve been away for a year.
Low: Having to prepare baby food without throwing up.
Telling the world
Low: Only getting three likes, because the photo is actually a blurry shot of you attempting a selfie with the bouncer (it was funny at the time you guys).