Georgie. Mum to Oliver, 7 years and Marnie, 10 months
Last time you cried over something ridiculous?
I attempted to make a delicious soup for dinner the other night and it turned out slighty thicker than I had planned. So I burst into tears, threw the utensils down and stormed out of the kitchen.
Thankfully my partner came to the rescue and finished what I had started and told me how nice it was. I reluctantly ate it, and pretended it was shit… but it actually wasn’t too bad.
Been offered any “helpful” parenting advice by a stranger lately?
No advice, but I have people constantly pointing out to me that Marnie “must be teething”.
DO YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THIS ALREADY! Oh gee, I hadn’t noticed her bright red cheeks or the diarrhea, her irritability and clinginess or the fact she wants to chew everything! Thanks!
If you could go anywhere in the world right now (kid-free), where would it be?
To be honest, I’d go absolutely anywhere! It has been a long time since I have holidayed without kids so I am in desperate need.
Ideally I’d love to go somewhere warm, near the beach with endless cocktails and people to wait on me hand and foot.
But let’s be honest, I’d be just as happy to hide away in my own bedroom with endless snacks and Netflix and no disruptions (the second option also seems more do-able money wise at the moment!)
If I handed you $1000 in cash, what would you buy?
Oh the things I could buy! I think a new fridge would be the first thing, then probably groceries to fill it with. I know, boring right! It’s funny how unless it benefits everyone in the family you just feel guilty about buying it.
Most useless gift you can buy a new parent?
Soft toys. Never has either of my children played with or slept with the soft toys they were given as a baby. They can’t be placed in the cot because of SIDS, so they get chucked on a chair or tallboy to sit and collect dust. I mean all presents are nice gestures, but really… I have a cupboard full of soft toys and I don’t know what to do with them, because I know they were given with love – so of course feel guilty just giving them away.
Hardest food item to clean from clothing/floors/walls?
Banana. You can’t use a wet wipe because it’s too slippery, and you can’t use a tissue because it leaves sticky residue over the surface you have wiped it across. Also porridge. Porridge is impossible to clean off any surface, especially when you leave it for a few days and it turns into concrete.
Last thing you yelled during a tantrum?
Oliver: “Why are you yelling? I’m not doing anything!”
Me: “That’s exactly why I’m yelling, because you’re just standing there doing nothing!”
I believe he was supposed to be doing some chores, but was whinging about it because his favourite* show was on TV.
*Favourite show being, whichever one is on at the exact moment I ask him to do a chore.
Which children’s book have you read aloud more than 100 times?
Where Is the Green Sheep. Unfortunately it’s the type of book you can’t just skip a few pages and go straight to the end.
Is there a kid’s TV show you’d happily never watch again?
La-La’s Big Live Band. Thank god it was never on when Oliver was younger, but we have come across it a few times and it is awful! And I assure you Marnie will be banned from watching it. Also basically anything with an adult dressed in a ridiculous costume talking in a baby voice.
Something you feed your kids that you know you shouldn’t
I gave Marnie a McDonalds french fry the other day, and Clem (my partner) went off at me, explaining how they soak them in sugar-water before they cook them. Silly me for thinking McDonalds would serve us plain old healthy potatoes. But I just had to – I really wanted to finish my McChicken in peace.
Have you ever bribed your kid? Discuss
Pppfftt when have I NOT bribed Oliver. Unfortunately Marnie is still too young, but her time will come.
Oliver is always being bribed. Most of the time it’s with some measly lollies I have found from last year’s Show Bag. But he gladly accepts, much to my delight.
Something you swore you would never do as a parent, but you’ve let slide now that reality has set in.
I’ve become a parent who coaches from the sidelines at sports games. I really try not to ,but when you are standing there watching your son run from one end of the field to the other at a soccer match and not getting in front of his opponents to intercept the ball something has to be said! I will promise to hold my tongue fomo now on, at least until half time.
Would You Rather: Have heartburn the entire way through pregnancy or a newborn who won’t sleep?
Oooohh tough one. Evenutally both of these things has to stop at some point right!? I think I would go heartburn. At least there are remedies from the chemist to ease the pain slightly, whereas if I took my kids into the chemist or doctor and said they’re not sleeping, they aren’t too keen to start prescribing sleeping pills. Sigh.
What’s the worst place you’ve had to change an explosive poo nappy?
Oliver: Camping up the river (no toilet or shower blocks), a six hour drive from home and an hour’s drive from the closest town…and he had gastro, so it wasn’t just the one nappy! Long story short, we ended up doing the hour drive to the hospital with him to be checked-in for dehydration.
Marnie: Tailgate of Clem’s 4WD on the way home from a family holiday. Geez they can pick their timing!
Which TV theme song or nursery rhyme do you currently have stuck in your head?
See answer to question 9! Also whenever we watch it I get “Teen Titans” stuck in my head. For those with younger children this is a show Oliver watches nearly every night after school.
Bonus question: Jimmy Giggle or Eddie Perfect?
Jimmy Giggle. At least when he sings it doesn’t look like he’s constipated or recently smelt a pooey nappy.
If you’d like to Get It Off Your Chest, write to email@example.com and I’ll send you out the questionnaire.